Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Them Evil Christians

Them Evil Christians

You got ta' bae perty for ta' thuh layeft ta blabber sump'n laike 'ayat. Buchyuno, Ahm a-hearin' it mor-n-mor. 'An Ah don' thank its cuz 'ere's more a-sayin' it, I figgers its cuz them thet talks laike 'at err jes' feelin layess laike its a shame on 'em. Nayow, I ain't a-sayin' they ain't got thuh raight ta say it. Ah'm jest a-sayin' its a shame on 'em fer doin' thuh sayin', thet's all. An' they ain't 'nuff a-tachen 'em hayow an' wye it e-is.

Hayow minny times has good Christian folk suffered at thuh hayands of thiyem what talks laike 'at? Hayow minny good Christian folk is a-sufferin' raight nayow an' ain't nobody knows 'bout it? Ah've had it happn' ta' me person'l. Hits bin more'n faive year since I heared tell of a young lady, a chald relly, outch yonder in Chi-ina what got saved. An' there she wus a-trine ta' tayell others 'bout thuh good thangs God de-id fo 'er 'an along comes a-pole-ece an' tole' 'er not ta' do it no more. But she couldn' hepp it. God filled 'er so full o' joy an' peace she jess had ta' talk about it. Thuh pole-ece tolt 'er several times not ta' be talkin' 'bout this here Christ. They up an' spanked her deddy with thiyem cane poles a-tellin' him ta' stop 'er. Win thet didn' wark they up an' spanked her with 'em, 'till finely they gave up and putt 'er in jail. Wayell, thet seem laike as good a-place as any fer 'er, so she kepp raight on a-savin' people raight thay're in that jail. She'd tayell other prison'ers 'bout Christ, She'd tayell thuh guards 'bout Christ an'dyou know pris'ners an' even some o' thiyem gaurds wus a-gittin' saved. Thuh pole-ece got so fed up with 'er they up an' putt 'er in a solitary confainement.

Nayow, thet got to 'er, not a-cuz of thuh cold and thuh haete in thet box in thuh sun an' thuh niaght, but on account o' she couldn' tayell nobody 'bout Christ, Jesus. So theyre she wus, stuck in thet box ware ya' cain't lay daown an' ya cain't stand up an' thuh ownliest comp'ny she hayad wus 'at pawl o' excrement and thuh Holy Spirit, an' she wus prayin' an' crine cuz she couldn' save nobody, wheyin it all of a sudden hit 'er thet if she had a pawl o' excrement theyin laikely ever'body else in one o' theyim boxes wus gonna have one. So she risked her laife jest in thuh askin' o' thuh guard e-if she could go 'round ta theyim other boxes removin' theyim pawls. With jest her ownliest possession, her food bole, an' 'er bayer hayands, whals't she wus a-pickin' theyim pawls up, she wus a whisperin' thuh gospel message ta' 'em other prisners. Nayow folks, she wus ownly 12 year yung win she got saved an' at thuh taime o' mah hearin' thet she wus 15. I ain't never hard no other ward 'bout 'er. Laikely she ain't even alaive no more.

They ain't arrested nobody here fer talen thuh gospels ta' people thet Ah here'd about, but they IS gettin' farred fer it. A bossman ain't s'posed ta' say none of it ta' 'is people under 'im an' ya' ain't s'posed ta' tael it ta' yer students if'n you's a tacher. Whut happened ta' ME wus Ah got shuffled arount ta' shop till Ah cuddn't keap up so's they'd have thuh 'scuse ta' farr me fer talkin' 'bout Christ with them there Jehovah's Witnesses et work whilst we wus on break. People gits all offended if'n ya tael it to 'em in public. Get reddy, cus if'n it keeps up this a-way, it weel be illegal.

Are constitution guarantees freedom of spache, but if 'em thet talks laike 'at had ther waiy, e-it would be 'gainst thuh laws. They usin' thet raight to freedom o' religion laike it wus a-freedom FROM religion, freedom from inny Christian's raight ta free spache. Thuh waiy thiyem what wrote up thet t'ere document ment it wus thet we wus ta' have a free market o' aidayas. But theys gonna make it a sansored market. Theys a-plannin ta' take ayre raights frum us one-by-one. Look whut happen't ta' thuh raight ta' kape an' bayer arms. Ain't nobody 'llowed ta' walk around in public with a gun. An' nayow we got them nuts walkin' inta MacDonald's an' thuh post office, schools an' jest goin' crazy shootin' up whoever's they please. 'An they ain't nobody ta' stop 'em on acount o' they ain't nobody what can. Thet riaght is so far weakened he-it maight as wayell not even bae thayre. An' here they is a-doin' thuh same thang to thuh riaght ta' free spache.

We could prolly stop 'em if'n we gits angry 'nuff an' does it real soon. But we content ta' shake are hayeds an' cluck are tongues an' taels each other hayow wrong it all is, but we ain't angry 'nuff yet to git ta' thuh same corners they shoutin' at ever'body frum ta' shout riaght back at 'em. They up'n maken a bunch a-noise an' them what makes thuh laws payin' 'em all heed. They got some backers too, most all o' the news peoples, most ever'body in Hollywood, some o' thiyem organi-zations thet gits grants frum thuh tax money we haff ta' give thuh gova'ment. ('At's on account o' thiyem lefties what's been in pow'r in thuh past a-grantin' it to 'em.) Thangs laike a National Endowment for the Arts, an' The American Civil Liberties Union. Most ever'body thanks laike we do if theys prest own it. But with ever movie an' news cast a-taelin' us how this conservative thought is a disaster, an' thet conservative act is'n atrocity, if'n ya ain't thankin' it thu, ya jest natchurely thank they mus' bae raight. Whin mah tayvay broke, Ah naver bothered ta' replace it. Ah cain't b'lieve nuthin' thet ever come accrost it no-how, lessin' it wus a church sermon.

Wayell, Ah guest Ah'm done fer nayow. Nex taime, Ah'll bae a-talkin' 'bout ta' new mobile computers an' whut Ah'd laike ta' sae in 'em. Uh, Ah de-id maintion thet Ah wus a geeked out Okie, ditn' Ah?

No comments: